Crafty Foxes

So, vegging in front of the telly the other night, and this spot comes on for this show called “Craft Corner Deathmatch.”

Allegedly, a bunch of Martha wanna-be’s face off, glue gun to glue gun, and outdo each other, MacGuyver style, and get all badass crafty armed with, like, some pieces of felt and a bottle of Elmers. Or something to that effect.

Well, it’s the real deal, as the NY Times reported today, and it seems the pitch was a joke that stuck.


Likely I won’t be watching, however. Not my cuppa’ joe as my crafty arc topped out somewhere in second grade, when I got a prize for making a Santa ornament using, oohing and aahing please, cotton balls and some red paper. I know.. I know – snore. But, it was parochial school and they didn’t really put much emphasis on the arts… not like Jesus was running around making water into wine, raising the dead and making decoupage thank you cards for the frankincense and myrrh.

Besides, it seems the bulk of the TV talent is made up of hipsters from Williamsburg. We’ve got a few here in my ‘hood as well, hipsters that is, not Williamsburgs (although certain people like to pretend that’s where they are… ah. Yeah…), and I see them sitting in the anarchist meetings, knitting (black yarn, of course, synthetic) and sharing in their collective scarves.

Alas, my craft quotient is limited to being able to sew buttons back onto things. Although I like to think I’m more useful: I can use a level, drill and hammer. I can fix minor plumbing issues. I can even rewire a bit, twitch twitch…

What I’d really like to see is something more useful. Like, instead of having debates at election time, what about “Presidential Hopeful Deathmatch?” Seems we’d really get the candidates who believe in what they’re doing, and most of them would be more likely to stay in the corporate world, where, unless they’re female, they get a slap on the wrist and an offshore bank account.

What about waging war? “Congressional Declaration Deathmatch.”

Or the budget. “Pork Barrel Pound of Flesh.”

I’m beginning to think it’s a notion whose time has come. I mean, so many people are so dreadfully enamored with reality TV, why not take it all the way?

Gee, maybe I need to get into the TV business….